What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
