i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
