oh god the rape fog is back!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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