Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
