My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
