Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
