i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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