the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
