I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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