the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
