He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
