I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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