dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
