You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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