remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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