Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize