I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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