I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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