I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
