pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
