Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
