cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've blown a few things in my day
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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