Got a toothbrush?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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