she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think I sprained my soul last night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
