I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
