So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
