There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
