don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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