sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize