Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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