Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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