Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
