its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
