i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
