what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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