He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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