You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
