I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
