She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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