How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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