Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
