You really coming over, don't trick.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
