If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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