He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's never too late to be topless.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How does one acquire holy water?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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