We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
