Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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