No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
