LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
