??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
