Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
