In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
