you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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