the day after is always just damage control
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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