If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
