Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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