Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
