just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
