Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
