Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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