I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
