Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
