My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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