Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
