I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
