Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
