my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
