my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
