who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
