I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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